Lauren, 38 år, Afhængig
My name is Lauren and I am an addict
At one time I was asked by a family member why I thought I was an addict or what made think I was an addict.
I had to think about this for sometime starting to wonder myself.
So here is my story and this is why I know I am a addict.
My story starts the same way as most I had my first taste of liquor when I was seven years old.
Both of my parents liked to party a lot but after to much to drink they needed a bar tender and of course they asked me and what kid says no to their parents.
In my home no was a non existent word.
I wanted to see what it had tasted like, thinking that if it made this much fun then maybe it tastes good so I tried it and of course not knowing what an alcoholic was yet.
I loved it so much and every time I made the drinks I needed the taste of it like I needed nothing more.
At the age of 12 my parents decided that the parties needed to stop partying.
Of course this devastated me.
I couldn't believe my ears, before all this I was a good kid hung out with the rite crowd had my homework always done and did everything my parents told me to do.
After my parents decided to ruin my life (as I liked to put it) I found a whole new set of so called friends they gave me everything I needed.
At the age of 13 drugs and sex were introduced into my new life. Then life definitely couldn't get better, my school work suffered, my parents couldn't stand me around I started to lie cheat steal anything it took to get any fixes I needed.
At the age of 15 I got kicked out of school and home and went to the foster care system and of course that is not the best place for a kid to be with the difficulties any kid was having if anything thing it went from bad to worse.
The drug of choice changed the liquor intake increased and sex well I don't need to go further with that.
I turned 17 and had my first suicide attempt everything that I thought was great went sour.
The people supporting my habits couldn't do it for free anymore and I had to start paying for it.
I used every measure I could possibly think of to get any fixes I needed but it got to much to handle so I had to find a way out.
So naturally suicide was the first thought I could think of not being able to go home or anywhere for that matter.
But unfortunately my suicide attempt didn't work I ended up in the hospital for 2 months for psychiatric treatment but still managed to get high in the hospital.
Eventually I had to go home so I did with nothing new to go home to so I just continued and every time things got to much to handle I turned to suicide.
I kept going on this track till the age of 21, then I found other trouble to get into I turned to breaking the law.
With the thought that things would be good but to my surprise it sure was not.
After 2months in the hospital again I found the man of my dreams (so I thought) he took me in looked after me gave me everything I could possibly need except for drugs and alcohol.
Things were good there until I got pregnant then things went down hill again.
He left me on my own pregnant with no money and no were to live..
So I went home moved in with a friend and the old me was back.
Still pregnant not realizing the harm I was doing to my baby.
After I had him my parents took custody of him rite away so he wouldn't be adopted out with hopes I would change and want him back.
So again life was good my way at least for a couple of more years. Then came the day I decided to sober up.
That day was the worst day of my life!
I had been sexually assaulted by someone I had trusted with all my heart, my house had been broken into and to top things I got a drunk driving charge, so of course I went to suicide again and this time I had just about succeeded and for some reason what I had what I really wanted.
I was at deaths door, all I could remember was the pain my body was in and pleading with God that if he let me live I would do whatever he wanted me to do.
5 days later I woke up with no idea who I was or were.
I was nothing.
My brain was at a blank.
Again I was in the psychiatric ward but this time I had a great nurse and the only words I remember to this day that she said to me was you are an addicts you have 2 choices: 1 clean your life up or 2 die.
And if you die remember one thing it may hurt me for a few minutes but it will hurt those I love for all eternity and then she told me her story of heart aches and pain and all I could do was cry.
I don't remember ever crying like that in all my life.
It was in that room with that nurse I chose to make the rest of my life clean.
This was 4 years ago, but this unfortunately does not end here for me.
My mom died last year in the year 2003 and I did very well dealing with it for the first year.
This is now December 2004 and I am now 3 weeks clean and sober again.
This happened because I stopped working my steps, stopped talking to my sponsor, stopped going to meetings and stopped believing in god.
As a person with second hand experience with this I don't recommend any one to stop doing all this because our sobriety is what keeps us going so don't get complacent don't forget who you are and that is an addict that needs help.
This is my story and for any one that reads this I really hope you take it to heart because if I had listened in the first place I would still be 4 years sober.
But I also got a chance because I was only out for 4 months and I have seen in the program people go out but not come in to see sobriety again they have died an alcoholic and I don't know about you but I am not going to die beeing an alcoholic.
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