Thomas, 49 år, Afhængig
My name is Thomas & I'm a recovering alcoholic.
Born 1956 in S.W. Scotland, 3 older sisters, 1 younger brother & 2 younger sisters.
Although my parents did their best for us they lacked quite a lot in showing my siblings & each other love. We never got told "I love you" & we never got hugs.
My parents worked hard all their lives & in the early yrs i guess they drank just as hard.
I remember when i was around 10yrs old I think, I awoke & went into the living room to discover my mum bloodied & battered & it was my dad who was responsible for my mums state.
That was just one of many stories.
I was sexually abused by an older male from around 5yrs to 13 or 14yrs old & I never told anyone.
When i was growing up i felt like a square block trying to get into a round hole...I never seemed to fit in & that was to follow me for many yrs.
I started not going to school from age 11 to 15 & i also started running away from home around age 11. I went to London, Glasgow, Newcastle but the police always picked me up & my parents came to get me.
Still no hugs though!!
I remember my first drunk & I was 15, it was my granddads funeral & I got really drunk & it felt good.
I officially left school at 15½yrs old & started working & with working came drinking & all the insanity that went along with it. I would steal cars for no reason at all & I would always get caught by the police & charged, I would get into fights...win some...lose more.
I awoke in the police cells many many times & I would never know what I was arrested for. I guess I spent that many week-ends in the cells that I must have done a life sentence on the installment plan.
Life went on like that until I met & married aged 23. For a while it was good & after a yr we had a daughter about a yr after that I started going to the pub a lot again, before work & after work & i honestly thought I was a good dad & husband.
I would have one night affairs, I would shout & swear at my wife & eventually I went home one night to find her with another man.
How could she do this to me? I was good to her! And I belived this!!
Anyway I was to find myself in prison awaiting trial for a very serious crime that I did not commit & I was introduced to drugs at this time. After being in prison 4mths & being proved not guilty, I found myself unemployed so I started using & dealing crack-cocaine.
After about a yr of this I had to find a way out so I went to my sisters in Canada & found a woman silly enough to marry me & in the 80.s I moved to Canada.
At first it was good, no getting drunk, meeting new people, a new life, but that was to last around 1½yrs & she walked out as I was drinking too much. So what do I do now? I attempt suicide (not for the 1st time) but it didn't work, she didn't come running, so I discharged myself from hospital & that night I started a new relationship with a married woman. This was to eventually lead me to the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous. This womans husband came from a very rich & powerful family, but he was alcoholic.
After I moved in to live with this woman her husband would break in & bug the house, I found the tapes & recording equiptment & took it to the police, they just laughed. He hired people to drive me off the road & one time I walked into the house & there was a man pointing a gun at me, obviously I was not harmed & he was arrested then released without charges, the power of money eh!
Anyway being a good alkie I started dealing with things my way & one time i tried to kill him by setting his house on fire. I was arrested & charged with attempted murder, eventually the charges were dropped due to lack of witnesses but then the canadian government started to work on sending me back to U.K. It led up to Christmas 1988 & by this time i was single & drinking in the bootleggars (illegal bars) & going to bed with allsorts of women.
Anyway christmas day I went to the bootleggars & stayed there until the night of the 27th, did a lot of drinking & thinking, I went home (not in a blackout) put 3 pans of oil on the stove & went to sleep. All I wanted was to stop hurting everyone who came into my life.
Anyway I was to be pulled out of the house & it was burned to the ground. The following day I was put into the local treatment centre for drugs & alcohol, I was still stinking of smoke & that same day a woman was admitted for her heroin & pill addiction, about 6wks later we were discharged & started living together, it was hard but we would have done anything to stop each other using or drinking & we went to at least 10 A.A. meetings a week.
We got married August 89, I did get sobriety but sadly she never managed to kick her pill addiction. In 92 I was deported back to U.K. & my wife came with me. I went to A.A. in Scotland & did a lot of prison work, Visiting & talking at schools, Media work, Worked in treatment centre for a while bit I left as I was supposed to tell clients that they were alcoholic, I could not do that as i strongly belive that a person can only diagnose themselves as alcoholic or not.
In 2005 i awoke to find my wife dead as she commited suicide whilst i was asleep. It was very hard but what helped was realizing that for the first time she was at peace.
I stopped going to A.A.
In 2001 i moved to north London to work but all I really did for 4yrs was to work over 70hrs every week & screw around all the time.
Then early 2004 I met a beautiful danish woman & my thoughts & feelings seemed to for the first time in my life come to the surface. Within a very short time I knew I loved this woman as the feelings I had, I had never felt before.
My life seemed to change without me trying to change it.
The second time I met this woman I proposed & she said yes she would marry me.
In November 2004 she moved to U.K. & I packed up in north London & we moved to Inverness & married then in June 2005 we bought a place in Danmark & moved here.
Life is great & the reason for that is I try always to put my wifes feelings first & try to put other peoples feelings first, I also continue to work on myself every day, I don't always do it perfectly, but I always try.
Today I feel wonderful & excited about life & I honestly don't think i have felt anything like this before.
If I were to give any suggestings about how to live life it would be...Think before you think!
Always respect others!
Always strive to be 100% honest!
And last but not least.... Quitters never win & Winners never quit.
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